Thursday, February 23, 2006

Drowning in Discrimination

I checked a listserv I belong to and found several posts politely telling me I have no idea what I'm talking about when I criticise ABA. I politely responded, but I found it draining. I've been having a rough time on other lists too, so that might be related. Anyway, I just felt a need to get away.
It seems like everywhere I look there's discrimination. I remember at one point it became too painful to read anything about autism from a mainstream point of view - so I limited myself, for the time, to reading autistic rights stuff. But that kind of stuff is hard to find and only available for the most common stuff. For example, there is no stuff written about valuing 2q37 deletion people for who they are, that I know about. There's Max's Magic, about a boy with Rubinstein Taybi Syndrome, but examples like those seem uncommon.
So I decided to take a break and sign up to rat listservs and play Mummy Maze. Then Mom came to get me, and I talked with her about it.
I don't feel bad about what I wrote on that list. I don't really feel that bad about what the other people wrote either. But I'm tired of having to constantly justify viewing disabled people as worthwhile just as they are. I wish Tambura, the land I invented where disabled people are respected, was a real place, because I really want to go there. Take a vacation there.
I bet there are others who feel this way. Others who wish they could just go and get away from the discrimination they're facing. In fact, Mom suggested I go and find non-autistics facing the same thing.
I'm not really getting to the point, I think, because there isn't much of a point. Just that I don't fight discrimination just to get an ego-trip, and that it takes a toll on me. Even just the little stuff, the stuff that is pretty minor. And I need to be able to research my interests (disabilities) without having to shield my feelings from what I read, and mentally edit out stuff, just so I can cope. As I get more involved in advocacy for other disabilities, it gets harder to do this.
But I'm not giving up. The stakes are too high. I think I'll just put less focus on awareness for a bit and more on getting support.


Blogger Anne said...

Hey, Ettina. My son and I want to go on that vacation with you. ASAP!

12:16 AM  
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