Thursday, August 02, 2012

I Quit

I've resigned from my volunteering program, giving the volunteer coordinator this letter(identifying information removed):

Dear [program coordinator],

I won’t be coming back to [volunteer program]. I find it too upsetting.
The kids are great. And I get along fairly well with the other volunteers. However, you and [other coordinator] keep finding fault with my performance, and I can’t handle it anymore.
Sometimes, I agree, I do make mistakes, and it’s good to be told when that happens. Sometimes I don’t realize there was a rule before I broke it. With the thing about talking to parents, I still have no clue what, exactly, you took issue with.
Other times, I simply don’t agree. I believe that it could be seriously damaging to [transgender kid] if I used female pronouns after being told not to—and all the research I’ve read about transgender teens confirms this belief.
I know I should be able to take all this without it getting me down. But the fact is, I can’t. I have had many struggles with depression in my life, and I can’t help but take things personally, both good and bad. I’d like to be able to set aside my feelings when I have to, but I can’t.
And furthermore, I used to be a kid a lot like many of the kids in [volunteer program]. And when teachers handled me the wrong way, it made no difference to me whether their superiors told them to do it, or they did it on their own accord. It hurt just as badly either way, and I still bear the scars. I can’t stand the thought of a kid looking back on their time with me the way I look back on my time with some of my teachers. That’s why I can’t follow orders I disagree with.
I’d like you to know that I did enjoy my time with [volunteer program]. But for my own health, I have to quit.
[my real name]

It took me several days to get up the will to post this here. I'm feeling really sad about quitting, but last day I was there, I spent a bunch of the time hiding in the bathroom crying, so I really need to quit.   (Oh, and it's not just the thing about pronouns that they took issue with. That's the only thing I bothered mentioning on this blog, because it was the only one I had something to blog about.)


Blogger Andrea said...

I'm sorry to know that this placement didn't work out for you. I hope someday you can find another place similar to it where you can make a contribution again in a way where you're not only able to help (as I'm sure you were here) but also able to be happier.

4:17 AM  
Blogger DJay32 said...

My condolences. D: I offer hugs! At least things can only move on from here, you don't have to worry about that place anymore.

11:30 AM  

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