Tuesday, February 21, 2017

The Importance of Non-Romantic Bonds

So, today's prompt for the aromantic spectrum awareness week is:
Write about the things you love about your identity. If you’re struggling to love your identity, what are the things about the aromantic spectrum that resonate with you? How has finding the community helped figure out who you are? Feel free to post as many positive aromantic self-love posts as you see fit.
I'm feeling depressed today, so this will be a bit tough for me. But here goes.

I think one of the biggest positive things to come from being aromantic is that I really value and take seriously non-romantic relationships.

It used to be that our society expected close non-romantic bonds, even among alloromantic people (especially guys). If you look at history and older fiction, male-male friendships (like Gilgamesh and Enkidu) feature quite often. Even in JRR Tolkien's prime, it seemed quite normal for Frodo's closest bond to be with a male friend, Samwise - and Sam and Frodo are every bit as close as any romantic pairing.

But now, many alloromantic people expect to abandon their non-romantic relationships, or relegate them to a secondary position,  just because they've got a romantic partner. This is despite "keeps you from seeing your friends and family" being one of the commonly listed signs of abuse. And this makes you vulnerable. Especially since most people,  when a relationship becomes 'romantic', are not nearly as close to each other as people who call themselves 'best friends'.

For me, one of my closest bonds is with my brother. And I feel sad when I hear people talk about 'normal' sibling relationships, with frequent rivalry and only hidden affection. I don't know if being aromantic has brought me closer to my brother, but if so, that's definitely a big plus.

Lastly, there's my sneaking suspicion that given my autism, my abuse history, my sex-repulsed asexuality and the general quality of guys who've come on to me, if I was alloromantic, it's quite possible that I'd have had very bad luck with relationships.


Post a Comment

<< Home