My Changing Life
But it's not just that. My focus has shifted. I don't feel the urge to jump into advocacy so often lately. Partly, it's that I'm more interested in fiction now - I've been hanging out a lot at TVTropes, and working on my stories. If something fires me up lately, I'm more likely to think up a story about it than a blog entry.
It's also that I'm seeing it less black and white. Rather than wanting to proclaim my own opinion, I've been wanting to understand the opposing views more. This is valuable, since better understanding will help me figure out how to reach those people, and show them what I see. And it enters into my writing, too, as the opponents in my stories get less one-dimensional, more complex and real. If I understand them, I can write them. I can put them in my worlds, and show the impact of their words and actions.
And most of my stories don't have a good guy and a bad guy. Just people with differing goals, needs, perceptions and desires, who come into conflict naturally because of how they differ. I don't always show the way to peace, either - sometimes, there is no way to peace. Not all stories end happily. I just try to paint the interactions, and use that to communicate my message.
My own life has become more important, too. It used to be that I didn't really care that much what happened to me when I got into advocacy. But now, I have classes to do well in, a career to aim for, a way to change things hands on, instead of just pontificating about them. And I have friends, who support me, teach me and admire me. The internet isn't so central to my life now, my self-expression now has many routes.
I may seldom blog, or I may stop entirely. But I will keep true to myself, and to my goal of making the world a better place. I plan on doing research that will help many people, asking questions about how it feels to be disabled in our society. How does an autistic child feel when his/her parent rattles off the child's impairments to a stranger? How are that parent's attitudes communicated to the child? Do nonverbal children notice and care if someone talks to them as if they were toddlers, and how do they express their reactions? What impact does abuse have on a person who is also the target of discrimination, and who naturally interprets information differently? Is FAS really the cause of serious behavior problems, or are those the result of the pain and loss these kids often suffer? Questions like these can be answered by research, and the answers are important to disability rights issues. So I will ask them, and I will find the answers.