Friday, March 23, 2012


My grandmother died recently. Not a big surprise, since she was quite old and sick, but the funeral today came with several surprises.

I didn't go. I didn't really know her, and I had class. But my parents came back eager to talk about what had happened, and it floored me.

A bit of background: My uncle physically and sexually abused his four children. My father found out and told the cops, and his family ostracized him for 'telling'. My parents got custody of his two oldest children (14 year old girl and 11 year boy), and both of them sexually abused me (I was 1-5 years old).

Anyway, my father and my female cousin (one of the ones who abused me) were both left out of the obituary. I knew why for my father, but I didn't know why for my cousin.

Apparently she told on her brother for abusing his kids. I'm amazed - last I heard she seemed to think abuse was OK. She and my parents hung out and were bonding as fellow 'black sheep'. Dad gave her his email, she wants to be back in contact.

She's not fine, apparently. She had a kid taken away by CPS, not sure the whole story. But she's better than I thought.

And now I'm wondering - should I talk to her? See if I can make peace with her? (Not the best way of phrasing it, but words are failing me.) Can I handle it?

She hurt me. She hurt me so much. Can we ever be at peace with each other? Might she actually apologize, and make amends?

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think.

I'm crying now. I'm not sure why.


Blogger Atomic Geography said...

I'm so sorry these things happened to you. Of course you're crying, I'm on the verge just reading this.

Is there some one you trust you can talk to to help you sort all this out?

So much depends on the particulars - there's no "shoulds" in such a situation. My thought are with you.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I think I'm basically with Bob. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what the trigger for tears in a particular moment might have been, but even so it's no surprise you're crying with all this happening. And, it's hard to know what you "should" do here. I get the sense from your blog that you have a pretty good relationship with your parents--do you think they could help you sort through your thoughts so you can consider what you want to do?

4:51 PM  

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