I Still Have Those Bits
And even though they don't seem to be effective or needed for giving me pleasure, that doesn't mean I can hate them and feel free.
David Hingsburger wrote something for Clitoris Awareness Week. And even though my clitoris doesn't seem capable of performing its intended purpose, his message still had me in tears, as he touched on a wellspring of shame deep inside me and made me look at it critically.
I thought it didn't matter, that sexuality is linked to shame in my mind. After all, I don't have a sexuality. I don't have urges that drive me into facing those feelings and either sorting them out or getting drowned in them. I can just put sexuality out of my mind entirely, for months or years, without my body forcing me to look at it again. (Incidentally, this is why asexual sexual abuse survivors have milder PTSD on average. We don't have sexual feelings unintentionally dredging up all that pain on a regular basis.)
But just because I don't need sexuality, doesn't mean I can disown a part of my body normally used for that purpose.
I have a clitoris. It is not dirty. It is not ugly. It's just another body part. It gives me no special sensations that I can't get by twanging my lip or something, so why should I feel any more shame about it?
I have a vagina. I feel no urge to get someone to put something inside of it, but I do plan on using it for its' other purpose. And I shouldn't feel ashamed of it. After all, someday it might give me a child.
I can live my entire life as a virgin, and be happy. I can decide never to use those parts for one of the major purposes most women use them for, and I'll be fine.
But I can't hate those parts and be fine.
David Hingsburger wrote something for Clitoris Awareness Week. And even though my clitoris doesn't seem capable of performing its intended purpose, his message still had me in tears, as he touched on a wellspring of shame deep inside me and made me look at it critically.
I thought it didn't matter, that sexuality is linked to shame in my mind. After all, I don't have a sexuality. I don't have urges that drive me into facing those feelings and either sorting them out or getting drowned in them. I can just put sexuality out of my mind entirely, for months or years, without my body forcing me to look at it again. (Incidentally, this is why asexual sexual abuse survivors have milder PTSD on average. We don't have sexual feelings unintentionally dredging up all that pain on a regular basis.)
But just because I don't need sexuality, doesn't mean I can disown a part of my body normally used for that purpose.
I have a clitoris. It is not dirty. It is not ugly. It's just another body part. It gives me no special sensations that I can't get by twanging my lip or something, so why should I feel any more shame about it?
I have a vagina. I feel no urge to get someone to put something inside of it, but I do plan on using it for its' other purpose. And I shouldn't feel ashamed of it. After all, someday it might give me a child.
I can live my entire life as a virgin, and be happy. I can decide never to use those parts for one of the major purposes most women use them for, and I'll be fine.
But I can't hate those parts and be fine.
posted by Ettina at 12:32 PM
1 Comments:
I didn't know there was a Clitoris Awareness Week; I'm happy that there is one.
You make a good point about shame, and how it can even affect asexual people. I hadn't ever thought of that before.
(I did not become acquainted with my clitoris until I was fairly old, 21 to be exact. But once I did, I definitely came to value it!)
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