Monday, October 19, 2015

Why I Use a Pseudonym

Someone recently asked why I use a pseudonym. I can tell you, it's not because I'm ashamed to put my name to my opinions or to reveal that I'm autistic and an abuse survivor in everyday life. I talk quite openly about autism, abuse and neurodiversity issues in everyday life, and have even spoken at NDP meetings about disability rights.

When I first started going by 'Ettina' online, I was in my early teens, and my Dad forbade me from using my real name on the Internet. Why? Because of child predators. He did not want anyone I met online being able to track me down and try to exploit me. Which is a very real issue, and I completely agreed with that rule.

I started this blog when I was 17, and still under the 'no real name' rule (I was allowed to make my own choice at 18). By then, I had already seen another reason not to blog under my real name - anti-vaxxers. On the EOHarm listserv, at the age of 15, I was viciously flamed for saying that I thought calling autistic people 'walking biohazards' was disrespectful. Not only that, but they went so far as to Google my handle and drag up stuff I'd posted on other forums (badly misinterpreted, by the way), in order to call my claim of being a 15 year old kid into doubt. I was honestly quite shaken by this. I have also heard of anti-vaxxers sending death threats (although that link claims it is 'new', it was going on 10 years ago) and have no desire to have people sending me or my family threats over my beliefs. No one I know in person would do this, even if they disagree with me.

Plus, I plan on becoming a mother someday. For all that these people claim they're trying to protect children, they have shown themselves willing to bully and frighten children, and threaten children with violence. I don't want that for my child. I went into advocacy to give my future child a better life, not to put them at risk from the worst of the anti-vaccination and anti-neurodiversity movements.

Furthermore, I have gone by this name in communication with self-described psychopaths, even linking to a psychopathic blogger because I find his blog interesting. As far as I know, I have given them no reason to want to hurt me, but psychopaths do sometimes attack others unprovoked. If one of the psychopaths I've met online decided it would be amusing to hunt me down, I want to make sure it's not easy for them.

And lastly, I don't like my real name. I don't like how it sounds, and some of the letters in it are ones I have a dislike for (yes, I dislike certain letters of the alphabet). Not enough to change it, when I'm used to it, people know me by it and my parents chose it for me. But when given the chance to pick a different name to be called by, I'll do it.

3 Comments:

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4:25 AM  
Blogger marilynn said...

This post touched me. If autism means eloquent and well spoken thoughtful and creative there's plenty of good stuff to pass on to your kid. You are an adult and you can reproduce if you want and passing on your physical traits is fine you are living life and feel happy and hopeful enough to want to be a mother. Its not breaking the rules. Your body your kid your responsibility. You'll become independent and qualify for benefits and assistance and trading if you want it. Its OK for you to be a mom. Passing on health problems is done by every parent what's important is to be present and take personal responsibility for that kid. If you survived so will they. Feel good. I harsher all over your sperm donor post not understanding you desire to be a mother and have some challenges you think sperm donation will solve. I understand and am sorry for the negative tone of my posts on sperm donation. Its not that part that sucks its the fact they abandon their kids that stinks. But I see the good parts you feel align with you,no sex no romance. There are co parenting ( stupid term) websites where you can find someone you don't need to pay who like you zones not want a romantic relationship who will find your intelligence and love to be just perfect to share the job of being joint custodial parents with you and your parents. Sure kids do just fine with out their fathers but it sucks its tragic and its half fully half what they deserve from the two people who caused their fragile dependency. Someone will like you enough to have a kid with you and want to be there for your kid and who will be OK not being your spouse. Maybe they'll have an infertile spouse and won't feel threatened by u since you want no sex and their marriage will survive with the spouse as a supportive step parent. Maybe they'll be gay or single or taking care of a parent. Maybe you will be a wonderful mother. If you are going to shop for fathers look for one willing to give a damn about your kid. Your kid will deserve it. And you are not breaking any rules. Justtry not to make your kid loose out just so u can get what you think u need. I bet you can get exactly what you want and your kid deserves. You will be a very great mom congratulations on.,.a boy.:)

9:22 PM  
Blogger marilynn said...

This post touched me. If autism means eloquent and well spoken thoughtful and creative there's plenty of good stuff to pass on to your kid. You are an adult and you can reproduce if you want and passing on your physical traits is fine you are living life and feel happy and hopeful enough to want to be a mother. Its not breaking the rules. Your body your kid your responsibility. You'll become independent and qualify for benefits and assistance and trading if you want it. Its OK for you to be a mom. Passing on health problems is done by every parent what's important is to be present and take personal responsibility for that kid. If you survived so will they. Feel good. I harsher all over your sperm donor post not understanding you desire to be a mother and have some challenges you think sperm donation will solve. I understand and am sorry for the negative tone of my posts on sperm donation. Its not that part that sucks its the fact they abandon their kids that stinks. But I see the good parts you feel align with you,no sex no romance. There are co parenting ( stupid term) websites where you can find someone you don't need to pay who like you zones not want a romantic relationship who will find your intelligence and love to be just perfect to share the job of being joint custodial parents with you and your parents. Sure kids do just fine with out their fathers but it sucks its tragic and its half fully half what they deserve from the two people who caused their fragile dependency. Someone will like you enough to have a kid with you and want to be there for your kid and who will be OK not being your spouse. Maybe they'll have an infertile spouse and won't feel threatened by u since you want no sex and their marriage will survive with the spouse as a supportive step parent. Maybe they'll be gay or single or taking care of a parent. Maybe you will be a wonderful mother. If you are going to shop for fathers look for one willing to give a damn about your kid. Your kid will deserve it. And you are not breaking any rules. Justtry not to make your kid loose out just so u can get what you think u need. I bet you can get exactly what you want and your kid deserves. You will be a very great mom congratulations on.,.a boy.:)

9:25 PM  

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